college and way too many thoughts on writing

Well, I feel like it's been forever since I posted and, essentially, it has. It's amazing what can happen in just a few weeks. I'm a college girl now, true blue through and through, and like my sister always told me, college is both harder and more fun than you would ever imagine. You have what feels like the most fun you've ever had one day and the next you're bawling, wishing to go home...metaphorically speaking of course. Overall, it's great and I'm really beginning to enjoy it. But what I really wanted to confide in this great expanse they call the internet, is how absolutely terrified I am about something else. I change focuses quickly, I know.
Last night, on my way home from Aerobic Dance where I became buff, my dear, sweet mother called me (or maybe I called her...that's really beside the point) and informed me that my writing mentor--Valerie Clark, a published author who sort of took me under her wing--had called. Ms. Valerie, as I call her, told Mom that one of the publishers she's in contact with is looking to represent more authors of young adult novels and Valerie wanted to recommend me. I almost fell down in the snow (it's below zero outside btw and I have a terrible cold which may be turning into bronchitis and I need to go to the clinic tomorrow) because I was so astounded. I mean, it may not actually come to anything, but it gave me hope. I'm coming up on my third anniversary with Ellic. March 2nd. It'll be epic. That means that March 2nd, 2004 I began a journey with a boy who was far from your average protagonist. He wasn't cool and he wasn't anybody's hero, but he was genuine. He was charming and you could feel it radiate from him when you read him...or at least I could. Really, that's the problem. I know Ellic but I can't seem to get him down on paper. He's there, I can feel him. He's my best friend. I know that sounds really dramatic...really, really dramatic...and I'm kind of embarrassed to actually post all this because it sounds cheesy, but isn't that what a good writer does? Puts herself into her writing to the point of awkwardness then hangs it out to dry for everyone to look at? This is a really random tangent to go off on in this post. I was originally just going to say "I have to do some rewrites and I'm scared," but it didn't really turn out that way. Anyway, I just want my writing to be my voice again, like the voice I use here in my blog. It's just me and it's different and you can tell. I want my characters and plot to be magic for me again. That's all. I think I'm in for a long weekend.